Alexander Graham Bell

The World According to Me!: Alexander Graham Bell might never have invented the telephone if he had heard the following during his first phone call..."your call is extremely important us...our operators are currently busy, please stay on the line for the next available operator."

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Cell phones

The World According to Me!: The first cell phone was the one obligatory phone call made just before going to jail. - Keith Westergaard

Why Johnny can't read

The World According to Me!: One of the many reasons why Johnny can't read is due to text messaging.
-Keith Westergaard

Chocolate Bunnies

The World According to Me!: The reason that chocolate bunnies are so expensive is that they won't sit still long enough for the chocolate to set.  -Keith Westergaard.

Air Quality

The World According to Me!: The quality of air is drastically different for those that are vertically challenged than those that are 6 feet tall.  -Keith Westergaard.

NASCAR

The World According to Me!:  NASCAR would be more interesting to seniors if drivers were required to drive with their turn signals on. -Keith Westergaard.

The Happy Hooker

The World According to Me!: For anglers, the Happy Hooker is someone that loves to fish.
 -Keith Westergaard

Perfect World

The World According to Me!: Just when you think you have found your perfect world, someone shakes up your Etch-a-Sketch. -Keith Westergaard

Croaking Frogs

The World According to Me!: All frogs will croak if you squeeze them hard enough.  -Keith Westergaard

Camels

The World According to Me!: Camels with two humps are obviously called a Bactrian camel and a camel with one hump is called a Dromedary camel, therefore; camels with no humps are horses.  -Keith Westergaard

Bug eyed goldfish

Those bug-eyed goldfish, found in most pet stores, are really plain ole goldfish that are trying to suppress a fart!   -Keith Westergaard.